30 November 2009

Internal Struggle

1.1 Samuel 9:5
When they reached the district of Zuph, Saul said to the servant who was with him, "Come, let's go back, or my father will stop thinking about the donkeys and start worrying about us."
1 Samuel 9:4-6 (in Context) 1 Samuel 9 (Whole Chapter)
2.1 Samuel 9:20
As for the donkeys you lost three days ago, do not worry about them; they have been found. And to whom is all the desire of Israel turned, if not to you and all your father's family?"
1 Samuel 9:19-21 (in Context) 1 Samuel 9 (Whole Chapter)
3.Matthew 6:25
[ Do Not Worry ] "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
Matthew 6:24-26 (in Context) Matthew 6 (Whole Chapter)
4.Matthew 6:27
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?
Matthew 6:26-28 (in Context) Matthew 6 (Whole Chapter)
5.Matthew 6:28
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
Matthew 6:27-29 (in Context) Matthew 6 (Whole Chapter)
6.Matthew 6:31
So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
Matthew 6:30-32 (in Context) Matthew 6 (Whole Chapter)
7.Matthew 6:34
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Matthew 6:33-34 (in Context) Matthew 6 (Whole Chapter)
8.Matthew 10:19
But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say,
Matthew 10:18-20 (in Context) Matthew 10 (Whole Chapter)
9.Mark 13:11
Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.
Mark 13:10-12 (in Context) Mark 13 (Whole Chapter)
10.Luke 12:11
"When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say,
Luke 12:10-12 (in Context) Luke 12 (Whole Chapter)
11.Luke 12:22
[ Do Not Worry ] Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear.
Luke 12:21-23 (in Context) Luke 12 (Whole Chapter)
12.Luke 12:25
Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?
Luke 12:24-26 (in Context) Luke 12 (Whole Chapter)
13.Luke 12:26
Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?
Luke 12:25-27 (in Context) Luke 12 (Whole Chapter)
14.Luke 12:29
And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it.
Luke 12:28-30 (in Context) Luke 12 (Whole Chapter)
15.Luke 21:14
But make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves.
Luke 21:13-15 (in Context) Luke 21 (Whole Chapter)

That is a whole lot of instruction not to worry isn't it? You think that we are told not to worry repeatedly for a reason?

I believe that God is fully in control and yet, on the practical note not worrying seems so difficult.

Why is that?

Well for me as I am sure for you too reconciling between the spiritual and the physical can be a challenge.

Being a dramatic person I will give you a dramatic example.

When my son Love died the newspapers said it was the hospitals fault. The coroners report said the nurses "watched him deteriorate" without doing anything. Blame was laid in the physical realm.

In the Spiritual realm we have Psalm 139
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.

In this I hold to ALL of the days ordained being written in the book of life before any coming to be. We don't have the power to add or take from that.

I struggled with forgiveness towards the hospital staff. I struggled with not ultimately blaming them for my Love's death. When it came down to it I was able to recognize that not one of them would ever have wanted this to happen.

God saw fit to use Love in a special way making changes that in the end will save thousands of lives in our hospitals.

Today I am struggling with this same issue. Only now it's not involving Love, it is involving my surviving twin Grace (aka Lil Miss).

We were told last week she has Acrocyanosis, which is a great diagnosis. Only it doesn't fit her symptoms.

You see Grace turns blue from head to toe. These episodes are impossible to predict and occur from a few times a week to every other month. We have been dealing with this since her birth in February 2005.

It's been a long road to say the least.

So on one hand I think God is in control and I don't need to worry while on the other hand I think this really could be underlying something much more serious that needs attention. What are the long term affects of this? How can I push to get her any help she needs?

Really the underlying issue is that it almost killed me to watch my son die and I don't think I could survive if something happened to her too.

Especially if I sat back and didn't do everything I possibly could.

1 comment:

JP Shaw said...

Worrying when our children are ill whether in the spiritual world or physical world doesn't matter, it all feels the same. Awful! You wouldn't be the loving and caring mother you are if you didn't at least question the diagnosis especially when it's only an opinion at this point. We always blame ourselves as mothers when something happens to our children. Could we have done more? What should we have done? The truth is all we can do is love them and above anything else listen to our hearts because that is what guides us to be the best parents we can be.

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