31 August 2009
Have you ever gone out shopping for the perfect pair of shoes and then gone home empty handed only to realize that you have the perfect pair of shoes at home?
Maybe it's the thrill of looking at all these brand new beautiful colourful shoes. Or the high of trying something new. That adrenaline rush of finding what looks like a great shoe on sale, it looks like it's going to fit after all.
The thing is sometimes you know what you are looking for, for me it's the perfect sneaker. That shoe I can wear all day and not get blisters, that shoe that fits so well into my everyday life. It offers the right support and doesn't pinch or hurt your feet in any way. It feels as if it was made for me.
As I always say men are like shoes. I don't want fancy high maintenance. I don't want something / someone that is going to hurt me. I do very much want support and comfort.
So then tell me, why have I been going shoe shopping only to come home empty handed, when I have sneakers kicking around already?
Why? well lets be honest, because I am insecure. I have been "shoeless" for so long that I don't know how to have someone around. I have been hurt, lied to and cheated on so have a hard time really trusting someone, especially shoes.
So really when I met "old shoes" aka sneakers, at first I was really excited. That very very quickly turned to total and utter fear. This would mean I would need to trust him enough to really allow him in my life and see exactly how neurotic I really am.
I did the only logical thing for me at the time, run. Run fast, run hard, just run.
I was very quick to put him in the dreaded "friend" zone. I still wanted him in my life because I very much cared for him, I really could not handle actually being in a relationship though.
The amazing part of it was that he really wanted to be a part of my life and if that meant he just needed to be my friend then he was OK with that. Sneakers wanted so much for me to be happy he sat back and watched me date and was nothing but supportive.
I came to know sneakers was a man that I could depend on. He was always there if I needed to talk, even if it sounded I'm sure like crazy psycho babble, and he was there if I ever needed anything. Seriously he even offered to help my friends move.
One of the things that really got me though, was the way he was always thinking about me. I know this sounds silly but really, sneakers would do things like send me text messages throughout the day saying little things like, "I was getting a Slurpee today and know how much you hate them so thought of you". I told you it was silly. Or he would send a text just letting me know something he thought I would find interesting.
The thing is, he thought about me. Sneakers never said this is how I feel about you, I'm sure because he knew that would freak me out, but he showed me all the time.
I can honestly say sneakers knows exactly how neurotic about things I truly am and you know what? He is still crazy about me.
It amazes me that he didn't go running for the hills. I am glad he didn't though. I can see he is a man of great patience, lucky for me. He has so many wonderful qualities, he's intelligent, and creative, compassionate, gentle, and really so much more.
So all this being said, I have come to a decision. I have decided that as they say, no guts no glory. I am going to take a step of faith to trust him. I know deep down that this man would never intentionally hurt me, or lie to me. It's a big step for me but he's worth it.