12 August 2009

Love's Headstone

Have you ever had one of those days you assume will go one way and then it ends up totally different?

I had planned to go to a workshop this morning and then print off a few things to meet with an employment counsellor this afternoon so I could submit a funding package to the government for school. This was to be followed with enough time to go home clean the house and then hos bible study in my house tonight.

What happened was somewhat different.

For starters I slept in. I can't stand being late, it's just such an inconsiderate thing, so that always sets me off. Surprisingly though I did manage to get to my workshop on time. Spent the morning doing that and then was just going to print something that I was sure I had e-mailed to myself when there it was.

I received an e-mail from the headstone place. Kaden's headstone was done. Bang! A tonne of bricks hit me.

I immediately rushed out to my car and started driving. All of a sudden it hit me, was the headstone placed at the grave or was it at their office? I wasn't sure but I needed to know.

I was already heading to the cemetery and I wasn't about to stop and ask.

I slowly drove up to where my son was laid to rest and there it was. His name in black and white. It was perfect.

I went over and began to weep over this headstone. My son had gone far too long without one. It had taken me forever to finally decide on what it should say.

In case you can't tell from the pictures it says "there is no ending that in a beginning" and the picture is of a baby with her fingers reaching out to a little angel baby. That was my way of honouring the twinship between love and Grace.

I had sent a quick text to JP and all I could write was "headstone". It was enough. She understood as best friends do and I was able to go to her house and cry. I brought her back to the cemetery with me because I needed so much to share it with someone and she took some pictures for me.

The appointment I had in the afternoon, well that got rescheduled until next week. It turns out there was a scheduling problem on their end and the woman I was supposed to meet with is leaving her job so I will have to meet with someone new. I have never been so grateful for an appointment to be delayed.

After lots of hugs and tears I went home cleaned up and was blessed to have bible study. Something about being able to share and have all of these people just love on me and pray for me was so beautiful.

So while my day didn't go as planned, and yes it was incredibly emotional, it was good.

Yes I used my sons real name today. Kaden Dane. I love to say it I think it sounds beautiful. He is my little Love.


darkkrystyl said...

Wow, Jen, it's beautiful beyond words ... :)
it's perfect.

sparkee said...

It is soooo perfect. This opportunity was a blessing...and an opportunity for healing...in his time. all my love

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