To the Dr we go

I took Lil Miss to the Dr. My intention was to go in and demand to be seen by a pediatric cardiologist. I had it all planned out in my mind but somehow when I got there everything came out all jumbled up.

I am afraid that when I get there my panick sets in.

I think it has something to do with when my twinkies Love and Grace were born. The Dr.s not listening to me resulting in a double breach delivery (ouch)resulting in Lil Miss being born limp and blue. To Love's death as a result of a series of medical mistakes, through to Lil Miss's early release from hospital.

I get to the Dr.s and there I become the rambling panicked mom who doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. I start talking so fast noone can understand a word I am saying.

I can't seem to help it.

I have to give some credit to my dr. though because he at least tried to listen to me. While I didn't get the referal to the pediatric cardiologist I am going back to see the pediatrician again.

The same pediatrician that we saw before that declared Lil Miss healthy. The same one who didn't give us the referal to the Child Development Centre, even though Lil Miss was seriously developmentally behind.

What choice do I have? Turning BLUE is not normal. I need to know what is causing this and if there is anything I can do for my baby.

She's the last pediatrician I can see in town since pretty much all the rest were in some way involved with my son Love's death.

So now we wait. Wait to see another Dr to get a referal to another Dr.

This could take months and while that thought is exhausting, the fear of losing my baby girl is worse.