School Starts Pass the Tissue

Oh that first day of school.

While I know there are mommies out there that don't understand the water works, it's only because they have yet to walk a mile in my shoes.

Lil Miss started kindergarten last week. I brought her in to class and I was feeling OK, I had thought I was going to get through dropping her off without the water works.

I was alright up until the moment I told the teacher she had her first wiggly tooth. Mind you it came out more like "She has.... her.....her.....fiiiirrrrsssstt ....*sniff*...wigggggglllllllllllyyyyyy TOOTH!" ending in full blown sobs.

Yup it was just way too much growing up all at once for me.

Well and taking her there brought me back to the beginnings of Love and Grace. There was a definite absence bringing her there alone. Never mind with her first wiggly tooth.(and yes she did loose it at school)

I can't describe what is like, all the things that came to mind. This is the same baby girl who's bedside I sat beside waiting at one point to see if she would live or die. The same little girl who had 2 echo cardiograms, countless ECG's, a 24 hour halter monitor. The same baby girl who would turn blue. The same little girl who only a year ago was developmentally assessed at being 1/2 her age.

But now my job isn't just caregiver to this little girl it's being full blown mom. I know that's not a statement that makes any sense to anyone who hasn't been there but I am sure any mom who has had a sick child would understand.

You know in so many ways it feels like I missed out on so much with her because I was so focused on things like trying to get her to gain weight or catch up developmentally, or figure out what was going on with her heart.

So yes I cried, and I cried hard. I cried for all we have been through. For the relief of where we are today. I cried for Love who didn't go to his first day of school and who won't have a wiggly tooth.

So if you saw other moms crying at something you think only needs to be celebrated, just remember you haven't walked in their shoes.