I feel kind of sick to my stomach now and my knees are weak. I have no control over what will happen next. I put the application in a binder and created a title page. Each piece of paper was in a protective sheet, and I had notes throughout going into detail about anything that may bring up a question. I did everything I could to attempt to make my application stand out. I was as thorough and straight forward as I could be.
I feel exposed. And vulnerable.
I have invested time energy and hope into this. The time and energy not a big deal. The hope of a home, of a brighter future for my kids, of attaining a goal of home ownership while still serving in a non profit organization, that, that is a very big deal.
The application was just the beginning. Some people are weeded out at this point. If you get through this then there is the first screening, more people are weeded out. After that is the first interview, more weeding. Then comes the credit check and income verification. I`m a little nervous here because while for the past 5 years especially I have been very good about finances, this was not always true of me. There is more weeding here. After that is a home visit and more weeding. Then the reference and police checks for more weeding and finally the families are selected.
While it helps to know what the process looks like I don`t know how long this takes. Will this be over weeks months or longer. There is this sense of having your whole life hanging by someone else's decision and I don`t know the direction it is going to take.
When I picked up the application I was excited. Just to have this opportunity is absolutely amazing! Filling it out was fine I had most of the required documents at home and only needed to track down a way to get a rent receipt.
Handing it in though.... it was a loss of control. I need to just trust that God has a plan here and come to terms that it may not be His will for me to go this route. I hope it is but right now it`s time for me to just have faith that God knows what He is doing and He is in control.